[The following is the transcript of an episode of Allyson Charles's podcast, featuring Debbie Garcia and Eugenie Shaw interviewing Allyson.]
Eugenie: *Taps microphone* Is this thing on? I don’t think the mic is attached properly. Why don’t we just use the laptop’s built-in one?
Debbie: I told you, the sound quality is subpar on the laptop. And that mic is working.
Eugenie: All right, all right. No need to get snippy. Now. We are joined by Allyson Charles, author of the Pineville and Forever romance series, along with the odd contribution to an anthology here and there. How are you doing today, dear?
Allyson: Um, fine. *Leans forward* You do know this is my podcast, right? You two are the invited guests.
Debbie: Yes, but we’re here to interview you.
Eugenie: Which I was in the middle of. If I could continue without any interruptions?
Debbie: *Grumbles off mic*
Allyson: Sure.
Eugenie: Now, you write about happy endings for so many people, Allyson. When’s it going to happen for you?
Allyson: Uh …. I’m doing what I love. Have great family and friends. There’s---
Eugenie: But there’s no one special, is there? You’re all alone. *She shakes her head* I have Herbie. Debbie had Ric---
Debbie: Shh! I don’t think anyone’s supposed to know that yet.
Eugenie: When will it be your time, dear?
Allyson: Why don’t we move this interview away from relationships. Highlighting my single status could be bad for business as a romance writer.
Debbie: A sensible business woman. I can respect that.
Eugenie: Well, sure, if you want a generic interview, I can do that, too. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?
Allyson: Hmm. Well, I’ve had a couple stupid home improvement stories. They usually involve me standing with one foot on a ladder, high above the ground, sometimes with a chainsaw in my hands. It’s quite something that I haven’t killed myself, or anyone else, yet.
Debbie: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Allyson: I’d have my own private island somewhere where the water is turquoise and warm.
Debbie: Wrong answer.
Allyson: Uh, it’s my opinion, how can it be---
Eugenie: You were supposed to say Pineville, Michigan, dear.
Debbie: Yeah, I thought you were the smart business woman trying to sell her books.
Allyson: But it’s a fictional wor---
Eugenie: Next question. Beta, alpha, or alpha-hole?
Allyson: I think I write respectful alphas, but my friends think they’re alpha-holes. So, I guess that’s where my heart lies. At least in fiction.
Debbie: Oxford comma or no?
Allyson: Always Oxford.
Eugenie: If you were a pizza delivery man, how would you benefit from scissors?
Allyson: I … don’t understand that question at all.
Debbie: Do you believe in Bigfoot?
Allyson: This is a generic interview?
Debbie: Are you refusing to answer?
Eugenie: That was a silly question. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell you, there is no such thing as Bigfoot.
Debbie: The video footage is out there. You just don’t want to believe your own eyes.
Eugenie: And you know better than anyone---
Allyson: *Grabs mic* And that’s it for today, everyone. Thanks for joining us. I’ll see you next week.